How did you find my secret lair? It's a SECRET!

Fandom: xxxHolic
Pairing: DoumekixWatanuki
Disclaimer: -snorts- As if I'd have time to write a fic if I owned xxxHolic.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,474
Summary: On his way to the Americas, desperate for a new start, Watanuki is forced to join the pirate crew of The Wish Granter. How will he cope aboard a ship Captained by a woman who is always drunk, and forced to serve under the stoic Hawk Eye Doumeki?
Warnings: a couple of dead bodies and some creepy spirits.

Chapter 1 - Welcome to the Crew Part One

CHAPTER 1 – WELCOME TO THE CREW PART 2

“YOU! Don’t touch that!” Watanuki spun around after directing Yuuko to where the rum was stored (after which she and Mokona promptly ran to it) and smacked Doumeki’s hand with the soup ladle.

“I , the great chef Watanuki, spent an hour and a half preparing that cake for the Captain! It’s his birthday today and he SPECIALLY requested it!” He started to wave his hands around, occasionally banging the few remaining hanging pots with his ladle.

During Watanuki’s rant Doumeki edged ever closer to the cake that was sitting in the middle of the centre table having miraculously escaped Watanuki’s earlier flailings.

Timing it perfectly with precision and patience, Doumeki waited for the exact moment when Watanuki turned his back on him mid-rant, and dove onto the cake.

“Itsh ‘ood.”

Upon hearing a voice that sounded suspiciously full of food, Watanuki paused mid-rant and spun around.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU COMPLETE IMBECILE!! YOU RUINED IT! AFTER ALL THAT EFFORT I PUT INTO MAKING THAT CAKE!!! AN HOUR AND A HALF AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS THAT ‘IT’S GOOD’?!”

The two layered cake which had been covered with a thick chocolate ganache and then carefully decorated with thin shards of honeycomb now had a piece missing from the top roughly the size of someone’s fist.

Doumeki shrugged licking his fingers. “Well I doubt anyone’s going to feel like eating cake today. Besides, you’ll be joining our crew. You can just make another on our ship,” he pointed out as he continued to break off pieces of cake, cover them with chocolate icing and then shove them into his mouth.

“AAARGH! I AM NOT JOINING YOUR CREW I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT BECOMING A PIRATE!”

Doumeki swallowed his mouthful of cake. “It’s not like this ship is going to be sailing much further.”

“You expect me become a pirate under that-that drunken woman?!” Watanuki exclaimed waving his hand towards the door that Yuuko had exited earlier.

“Why not? It’s fun.”

Watanuki spluttered at this simple statement. “THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I DON’T WANT,” he roared into Doumeki’s face.

“I want PEACE, and QUIET, and a NON EXCITING LIFE! Which I will NOT get as a PIRATE!” With each shouted word Watanuki emphasized his point by poking Doumeki’s chest with the ladle that he had adopted as his weapon. Doumeki took this calmly in his stride and continued to snack on the cake. After all, he served under a much more eccentric person.

“And why exactly would a person as young as you want a quiet life, hmmm?”

Watanuki glared at the Pirate Captain who was lounging against the doorway, a half empty bottle of rum in her left hand.

“And YOU! You crazy woman! Why would I want to join your pirate crew?!” Watanuki stomped up to Yuuko about to let loose another tirade.

“Try this Captain. It’s cake. Chocolate cake. With honeycomb.” Doumeki stressed his last point as though the chocolate cake with honeycomb was a foreign concept to him.

Yuuko’s eyes lit up and she swept past Watanuki to inspect the half demolished cake. She scooped up a handful and tried some, immediately moaning in delight.

“Screw crackers. Mokona wants cake!” Mokona jumped off its perch on Yuuko’s shoulder and attacked the remains of the cake.

“Well, there’s no way I’m letting you go now! This is excellent!” Yuuko took of swig from the bottle of rum in her left hand and with her right, grabbed hold of protesting Watanuki’s arm and dragged him out of the galley into the hallway.

“C’mon Doumeki. Bring Mokona and we can introduce Watanuki to his new ship mates!” Yuuko’s loud voice drifted back into the kitchen.

Doumeki grinned at Mokona and scooped him up to perch on his shoulder.

“But there’s still cake left,” Mokona whined from his new seat.

“Not anymore,” Doumeki said finishing off the remaining cake, and turned to follow his Captain and his new cook.

“But I don’t want to BE a pirate! It’s just like being a thief but with less hygiene!” Doumeki snorted at this as he walked behind Watanuki and Yuuko.

Ignoring Watanuki’s many protests Yuuko pushed Watanuki towards the door that opened onto the deck of the ship.

“C’mon Watanuki it won’t be that bad! I’ll let you make anything you like!...as long as it’s tasty.” Yuuko continued to talk over the top of Watanuki’s splutter of indignation at this comment, and shoved him out the door.

And all of Watanuki’s protests stopped as he looked at the pirate crew which had boarded the ship.

Milling around the mast were many figures that vaguely resembled humans figures. Some looked like women but on closer inspection of their faces revealed a lack of defining features except for a grinning mouth full of black teeth. There were a couple of walking skeletons, blue and red-skinned grinning oni, and even a fox with nine tails. Lurking off to the side were several floating masses of eyeballs. Scattered over the deck were various unconscious and dead human bodies.

Frozen to the spot Watanuki turned to the ship which was floating gracefully to starboard. Black translucent blobs floated among the rigging like shadows yet their corporeal forms clung to the ropes preventing them from being blown away by wind. Never before had Watanuki seen so many spirits co-existing in the one spot without fighting over something or tearing each other apart.

Doumeki stared at Watanuki curiously as Watanuki pointed at the rigging stammering nonsensically.

Yuuko grinned lopsidedly at this.

“It appears our Mister Watanuki can see spirits Doumeki. Interesting.” Her eyes narrowed as she stared calculatingly at Watanuki’s back, her mind dredging itself up out of its drunken haze. “You needed my assistance to that Doumeki,” she commented under her breath to her First Mate.

“He’ll be a great addition!” She clapped Watanuki hard on his back knocking him forward.

“OY CREW! LISTEN UP! I’VE FOUND US A NEW COOK!!” Immediately the pirate crew swiveled round to stare at Watanuki, all ears and many, many eyes.

Mokona danced on his perch on Doumeki’s shoulder to chime in. “New Cook! New Cook”

Watanuki squirmed on the spot and quickly darted behind Doumeki to hide himself from the questioning gazes. “Don’t think this means anything. I STILL don’t like you. It’s just…while I hate you I’m scared of them.” Watanuki glared at the inquiring gaze the Doumeki sent his way over his shoulder.

Meanwhile Yuuko continued her speech. “AND GUESS WHAT? HE CAN MAKE CAKE!!” The creatures aboard both ships cheered.

Doumeki muttered to Watanuki under his breath. “Believe me, after what we’ve been eating you could feed us gruel and it’d taste good.”

“AND HE CAN ALSO SEE SPIRITS!! SO I’M SURE HE’D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO CATER TO EVERYONE’S SPECIAL NEEDS!”

“WHAT?! I DO NOT TAKE ORDERS! I’LL COOK WHAT I WANT!” Watanuki erupted, charging from his position behind Doumeki to flail his arms in protest before Yuuko.

Yuuko and Mokona giggled at Watanuki’s reaction.

“Ah, so you will be joining the crew then! Brilliant!” Yuuko continued to talk over Watanuki’s protests.

“Gatenmaru, Gamamaru, take the rest of the oni below deck.” Yuuko rubbed her hands together with glee as six hulking red skinned ogre-like creatures lumbered past.

“Now, we’ve got us a hold full of barrels of rum, rice, grains, fruits from the Philippines, chocolate from Spain and a new cook to celebrate with! Let’s get aboard the Wish Granter and grant our own wish of having a good time!”

Roars echoed across the seas as the crew of the perpetually drunken Pirate Captain Yuuko cheered, and proceeded to go about their business of piracy and thieving; which, of course, involved stripping the ship of anything valuable, edible or even vaguely interesting.

Watanuki gaped at the sight before. He had been dragged kicking and screaming onto the Wish Granter and Yuuko had wasted no time in taking him to the galley and setting him to work. In front of him was a very large galley, empty except for a single figure.

“But-but there’s no way this could fit in here! This ship is the same size as the Edinburgh Trader yet we must have walked double the length in the corridor

“Myobu, come here!” A tall fox halted her wiping of the large middle table and turned as Yuuko called out his name. She walked up to her Captain on her hind legs, her height equal to that of a full grown human.

“What now Yuuko?” She growled at the Captain, obviously prepared to have to cater to one of Yuuko’s whims.

“I’ve brought you a human cook who can see spirits! Thus, our food problems are solved!”

Heads started to poke out of the woodwork, curious about what all the yelling was about.

“KITCHEN HANDS! COME ON OUT! Meet your new Head Cook, Watanuki Kimihiro.”

Bodies now crawled out of various cupboards, from underneath tables and benches to investigate. A normal looking human woman crept out from beneath the nearest bench and stretched her neck out a couple of meters to inspect Watanuki more closely.

Watanuki flinched and backed up a few feet into Yuuko.

“Don’t worry Watanuki. None of us here will harm you. My name is Kubi. Finally someone who can cook!” The woman squealed gleefully and she retracted her neck, bobbing her head along as it neared its usually resting spot on top of her body.

Watanuki looked at the masses of creatures who suddenly surrounded him introducing themselves. Thoroughly confused, Watanuki turned to Yuuko in desperation. “But…if you’ve got so many people who work in the kitchen what do you need me for?”

Myobu walked forward twitching her ears. “While those of us here can chop, cook and follow instructions better than most spirits when it comes to the final dish, without a human…it just ends up a pile of mush. No one knows why.” The fox glared at Watanuki and folding her arms in obvious dislike. “Are you sure you can cook?” She eyed Watanuki up and down with distaste.

Watanuki spluttered with indignation. “Can I cook? Can I, the Great Watanuki, cook?” Watanuki pulled his ever present soup ladle out from his belt and waved it about narrowly missing Myobu’s nose, swishing some of her whiskers. “You can bet your fuzzy tail I can cook! Now bring me an apron and show me what food we’ve got, and I’ll show just how well I can cook. Bah, can I cook,” Watanuki snorted with disgust as he muttered darkly under his breath.

Yuuko giggled and whispered to Doumeki beside her, who had been watching the entire exchange silently, “He’s interesting isn’t he?!”

While Doumeki didn’t answer her she noted the slight upturning of the corners of his mouth as he stepped forward to talk to the cook.

“Oi.”

Doumeki grabbed Watanuki’s shoulder, startling Watanuki, who promptly turned around and flailed at Doumeki.

“Don’t sneak up on people like that! It’s not very polite!”

Doumeki turned his head to look at the bustling kitchen as if to point out, ‘How could I sneak up on someone with this many people around?’

Watanuki erupted again. “And how come you hardly ever talk – “

“Make me inarizushi.”

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU EARLIER? I DO NOT TAKE ORDERS!”

“And now, I demand a feast! Plenty of food and alcohol for everyone!” Yuuko proclaimed her orders over the top of Watanuki who was waving the ladle around and ranting at Doumeki. The rest of the kitchen erupted in cheers.

Watanuki groaned as he remembered that night. He had cooked for two days straight. As the party continued each dish that Yuuko ordered got more and more complicated and required even more effort. He was still sore from all that cooking. Watanuki sighed heavily accepting that he would be aboard this pirate ship for a while and burrowed further into his blanket.

And to top it all off, earlier today he had drawn the short straw and gotten sentry duty in the crow’s nest. Yuuko liked to have one of the more solid people on duty at night, as they were more reliable than the spirits which liked to float along the rigging.

Suddenly a hand reached over the wooden edge of the crow’s nest startling Watanuki of his reverie.

“YOU!” Watanuki shouted loudly pointing at Doumeki who had now raised himself over the edge, holding out a bottle of rum as a peace offering.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE Y – mmph!” Watanuki was silenced as Doumeki crouched down next to him covered his mouth with his hand.

“Quiet.” Doumeki leaned forward staring intently at Watanuki. Watanuki was glad for the cover of darkness as he blushed at Doumeki’s closeness. In his head, Watanuki was refusing to even notice that he as blushing.

“Everybody’s asleep,” Doumeki quietly pointed out and slowly moved his hand away from Watanuki’s mouth and brought up a single finger to his lips as the universal sign for silence.

Watanuki rolled his eyes and glared at Doumeki. “What are you doing up here?” Watanuki hissed at Doumeki.

Doumeki just held out the bottle of rum in his other hand. “It gets cold. And it is your first night watch, right?” When Watanuki nodded slowly, glaring at Doumeki with all the force of his powerful Watanuki Glare, Doumeki just shrugged. “Thought you might want some company…And to make sure you don’t fall asleep of course.”

Watanuki erupted at this insult having to be silenced by Doumeki once more. After Watanuki had fallen silent again, Doumeki settled in next to Watanuki, offering him the bottle of rum.

Watanuki glowered at the bottle and then snatched it off him, downing a quick mouthful. “And don’t even think that I’m going to share this blanket with you! It’s cold enough as it is and you should’ve thought to bring your own!”

Below them on deck, Yuuko giggled silently with Mokona at her First Mate and her new cook. Yawning, she turned around, planning to make her way to the kitchen to steal some of the rolled oats and syrup biscuits that Watanuki had made for the next day, satisfied with her choice to make the boy a pirate.

 

Note: I got a lot of the spirits, demons and such from a list on Wikipedia on legendary creatures from Japan. It’s an interesting read. This was so much fun to write. I couldn’t resist the inarizushi line. I bet it’s tradition for most Donuts!

Oh yeah the biscuits Yuuko’s planning to steal? ANZAC biscuits. Lasts for ages and oh so yummy but I figured they wouldn’t have that name for them around this time. And the cake at the start? One I’ve made myself. –drools-

Fandom: xxxHolic
Pairing: DoumekixWatanuki
Disclaimer: -snorts- As if I'd have time to write a fic if I owned xxxHolic.
Rating: Pretty much G for now. Warn me if i rate it wrong.
Word Count: 1,474
Summary: On his way to the Amercas, desperate for a new start, Watanuki is forced to join the pirate crew of The Wish Granter. How will he cope aboard a ship Captained by a woman who is always drunk, and forced to serve under the stoic Hawk Eye Doumeki?
Warnings: None. Shouldn't be any spoilers. It's an AU fic. But you never know, i might let loose something. -shrugs-

Notes: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC!! Well, my first fic of xxxHolic. And I've never posted my stories before. But I was inspired!!!! I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and remembered a previous AU pirates fic I'd read....that and my fingers were itching to write.
Now I don't care if you're harsh, I want you to be as truthful as possible. If they're OOC tel me. I regret if it's not too priginal at first. It is my first try. Compliments are always welcome! -winks-
Also I edit my own stuff (I'm a bit of a spelling and punctuation freak) so feel free to point out any mistakes!
Now this is just the start. Sort of an introduction if you like. More to come!

CHAPTER 1 - WELCOME TO THE CREW PART 1

Watanuki pulled the thin piece of harsh material tighter around his tall lanky frame in a futile attempt to stop the cold night air from seeping further into his body.

After his first day on board the ship he had contemplated just jumping overboard to escape but he had dismissed that idea as soon as it entered his head. He was convinced that the Captain of the boat would pull him out of the water, make him feel guilty about it and then immediately send him to the kitchen to cook food to make up for it. Watanuki scowled at the thought of the afore-mentioned Captain as he sat down, feeling well justified in his anger.

He glowered down at the boat beneath him from his position in the crow’s nest, as if frowning at the vessel would solve all of his problems. Boats had started all this trouble after all. If only he hadn’t needed to board one to get to the Americas.

He had finally saved up enough coin to make a fresh start in a new country to escape the ghosts of his past. Now where did he find himself? On board a ship under the command of an insane pirate, who thought herself a witch and loved to drink.

Watanuki rolled his eyes and scoffed at himself. ‘Trust my luck,’ he derided himself as his thoughts turned to day he had been forced to board this ship full of crazies and physical impossibilities.

The sudden bombardment and subsequent commandeering of the Edinburgh Trader happened too quickly for Watanuki to recount easily. All he remembered from his position as he huddled in the galley below deck was the sudden bangs of cannons being fired aft of the ship, wood being splintered as heavy iron balls cut through walls, gunshots being fired and loud screams as those gunshots found their mark.

However his first confirmation of a pirate attack was when one of the crew burst through the door. Watanuki vaguely recognized him from previous times when he had begged Watanuki for seconds. The entire crew had praised Watanuki’s cooking skills and were lamenting the day when Watanuki would leave the ship at the Port of New York.

“Pirates!! Pirates have boarded the ship!!” Chest heaving he locked the door behind him in a furtive rush. “Be quiet and we just might manage to escape their notice,” he hissed at Watanuki bringing a finger to his lips as he crouched underneath the bench beside the galley door.

Watanuki’s eyes widened and immediately looked around for the perfect hiding place. Fastidious as always however, Watanuki took too long searching for this perfect hiding place and was still standing in open view of the door when it was kicked in shattering.

Standing in the doorway where the door was just one moment ago was a tall, well-built, man whose long dark hair was pulled back, held in place with a single tie. His yellow hawk-like eyes paired with his impassive face that seemed carved of stone made for a gaze that pierced through Watanuki and made him shiver.

Add to that a figure clad in black scuffed boots that reached to just below his knees, a loose once-white shirt hung around his upper body, his muscled torso emphasized by brown vest that clung to tightly, a cutlass hanging from a belt on his waist with a second cutlass gripped in his right hand and a pistol in his left, he cast an imposing handsome figure of a pirate.

Watanuki did a double-take on his thoughts inside his head. ‘Wait? Handsome? No way,’ he thought to himself shaking his head.

The pirate stared at him even more intently . Watanuki noticed this and realized that he had been staring at the pirate for way too long. He looked around frantically for someone to help him. He glanced behind the pirate underneath the bench by the door, but the crew man who had warned him of the pirates was now unconscious. Watanuki noted the dark stain that had spread over the deck beneath the man and winced in pity. Finding no help on that front, Watanuki searched the table before him and opened a drawer frantically as the pirate started to walk towards him.

Watanuki grabbed a hold of anything, anything at all in the drawer, trying to find something that would be able to stop the encroaching pirate. His fingers brushed against a leather handle. He clutched onto it desperately and thrust it out before him, the tip of it halting the pirate in his tracks.

The pirate looked down at the dubious utensil that had been driven into him and raised a single eyebrow.

Watanuki looked down at the pirate’s chest and blushed furiously. He had grabbed a soup ladle! A soup ladle!

Watanuki flailed at the pirate and took one step back about to let loose a furious attack both physical and verbal; the verbal attack involving various insults and loud shouting while the physical involved bashing the soup ladle which he clutched in his hand repeatedly over the stoic pirates head.

“What have we here first mate Hawk Eye Doumeki?”

A loud female voice proclaimed from the doorway.

Watanuki momentarily halted his attack to stare at the outlandish figure. She was dressed in an outfit similar to the now named pirate, but with only the tight vest covering her chest, her long black hair hanging loosely down the length of her spine. However, over her outfit she wore a long red silk coat ornately decorated with gold butterflies sewn in, her wrists chimed as gold bracelets bounced off each other, gold earrings dangling from her ears, on her head perched a three-tiered black leather hat that proclaimed her as the Captain.

“Hn.”

The first mate made a single sound as he gestured towards Watanuki whose hands shook as the Captain walked closer and closer.

“What have we here? What have we here?”

Watanuki jumped as a small, round, fuzzy black figure bounced from the Captain’s shoulder and latched itself onto his face.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! ‘ET IT OFF ‘E!!” (Get it off me!)

Watanuki flailed around the galley banging against pots and pans, his yells muffled as he tried to pull the round fuzzy ball of his face.

The Captain just watched Watanuki’s strange actions and laughed uproariously.

“So you like him do you Mokona?” Even as Watanuki flailed he noted that the black leech currently stuck to his face had a name.

Doumeki just stood there silently taking note as Watanuki nimbly dodged the dozens of knives that fell from the walls due to Watanuki thrashing about, even as Mokona covered Watanuki’s eyes.

The black thing detached itself from the cook’s head and landed on Watanuki’s outstretched hands. Watanuki momentarily stopped his flailing to stare at the creature before him. It had black ears like a rabbit, its roundness resembling a large apple with four small round appendages sprouting from it, a blue jewel embedded in its forehead. A single gold earring hung from its right ear.

Mokona bounced up and down on Watanuki’s hand as he stared it in puzzlement.

“Mokona likes! Mokona likes!” The strange creature licked Watanuki’s hand generously, covering it with saliva. Watanuki recoiled disgusted at Mokona’s actions.

“Mmmmm, tasty!”

“HEY! I have to COOK with that hand!” Watanuki protested loudly.

All of the pirates in the room ears perked up upon hearing this. Unnoticed by Watanuki, a glance and a nod passed between First Mate and Captain.

“Fine!” The Captain waved her cutlass around drunkenly. “I, the feared Pirate Captain Yuuko of the renowned and dastardly ship The Wish Granter, propose to take you…..You!.....” She peered at Watanuki.

“You, what’s your name?”

“Watanuki Kimihiro,” he commented distractedly as he scowled at the creature which had moved itself quickly to Watanuki’s other hand as he wiped his now saliva covered hand on his pants.

“Good name,” Captain Yuuko nodded enthusiastically at him and then posed dramatically. “I, the Magnificent Captain Yuuko of the renowned and dastardly ship The Wish Granter propose to take you, Watanuki Kimihiro, into the bosom of my heart as one of my immoral notorious crew!”

Watanuki’s jaw dropped to the deck below him in shock. Doumeki smirked at Watanuki (which for anyone else was the equivalent of them laughing and pointing at you as if to say “Ha ha you’re really in it deep now!”)

“Mr Watanuki. Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?”

“Wh-what?” Watanuki stammered as the speed with which that sentence was spoken.

Yuuko shrugged. “Good enough. Welcome to the crew!” Yuuko walked over to Watanuki, her boots echoing loudly on the wooden deck, and clapped him hard on his back causing Watanuki to stumble forward.

“Now tell me,” the Pirate Captain begun, “Have you got any rum?”

( and yes I intentionally quoted Pirates. I couldn't help it! Ya gotta love Jack Sparrow!)

-sighs with happiness- Oh I love this place. So many talented writers and such awesome stories. I will be putting my own up soon but not sure when I will.
-laughs at herself- I shall just lurk here like a shadow.
I'm just a casual writer but my friend Em is just amazing. She has all these stories planned out in her head. If she doesn't end up writing them after taunting me so much I am afraid I will have to slowly torture her to death. No way am I going to go into them now, there's just too many and they're too complicated.
Heh. The two of us are writing a story together right now though. We have pulled random characters from Dr Who, Death Note, Fruits Basket, Bleach, Full Metal Alchemist, and Sousei no Aquarion. We included ourselves in it too. It's amazing to see just how well we know each other. I'll be reading what she's written and thinking "Damn, that is JUST  how I would react in a situation like that." And she says the same thing has happened to her. I am so amused. We have written about 120 pages of it in a couple of weeks. Heh. i might put it up here, even though there is stuff in it that you might not get. -shrugs-